Keep on, keeping on

I’ve had many friends, new and old, thank me in the last few months for not giving up on them, for being available and for love and encouragement. 

I will never give up. Not on myself. Not on my family. Not on YOU. 

You see, it took some pretty drastic circumstances in my life to wake me up to the extremely unhealthy habits I had developed in a relatively short period of time. 

I grew up a dancer, an artist, and an adventurous spirit. I continued that throughout my childhood into middle and high school where I also picked up marching band and swimming. I was trained to be aware of my positioning, how my body ‘felt’ and how I took care of it.

Fast forward a year or two, I was in an extremely different place. 

My mother and I were in a tumultuous place because as a teenager I didn’t understand some of the decisions she’d made for my protection. I punished her for that and it caused extreme strain on our relationship. (I’m forever sorry for that, mom.) 

My best friend had become something much more to me and spending time together seemed like the most important thing in the world. He felt like the only person in the world who got it, who understood me. Unfortunately, for both of us, at that time, our relationship spiraled into a vortex of hardship as we added our sweetest Hannah to the mix and we attempted our best at navigating adulthood(ish). 

My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we fought, arm in arm, to ‘fight the good fight’ for as much time as possible. Attempting to give him the best shot at the best quality of life for the time he had, that we had together. Man, was that hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever endured. 

These things, combined with many others over the coming years, drove me into a ‘depression’, I didn’t know how to manage adulting, raising a child, school, work, bills, terminal illness or death.... I didn’t know how to cook really which gave us lots of frozen meals, hamburger helper and shake and bake (gag me!). I couldn’t manage the stress and taking care of myself fell quickly to the last thing in my bucket. I gained a ridiculous amount of weight over what seems like a really short period of time. It was out of control. 

What came next was a pivotal, yet devastating, time in my life. Tommy and I separated and I moved back home to my parents with a toddler. 9 months later we lost my dad. 

It was the strangest time in my life, I think. 

I had lost two of the most valuable people to me in my life. My relationship with my mom was still in a rocky state and my relationship with myself was all but lost. 

I started taking Hannah to the church to play soccer in the field or to the park almost daily to walk, simply to clear my head. It wasn’t until I started noticing changes in my clothes that I realized I NEEDED to loose weight. I was totally oblivious. It was almost as if the first steps of this journey back to myself and to better health found me. Talk about God’s timing.

Fast forward 15 years - Since that time I have made continuous efforts to make healthier choices and tried multiple ‘things’ to help it stick. Weight watchers. Numerous diet plans, all of which worked but were unsustainable for me, for the long term. 

Approximately, 8 years ago I was first introduced to Advocare. A dear friend who knew my struggles with maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle, while simultaneously going through rounds of medical testing, introduced me to her friend who was selling Advocare. With so many questions and variables in my life at the time (what’s happening to my body? Are we having more kids? What will happen once we find out?) it didn’t feel like adding Advocare into the mix was feasible.

5 years and two babies later, I was looking for premium nutrition, weight loss and cash. I didn’t want to go back to work but didn’t have options. Enter my angel, I know you’ve heard me talk about my dear Kelsey, she came and offered me solutions. Real, honest, simple solutions to my needs and desires. Did it sound too good to be true? Kind of. Was I sceptical? Yeah. But what did I have to loose? 

She invited me to my now amazing friend, Diana’s, house. I loaded up my nursing two weeks old and went to check this thing out. I was SOLD.

The rest is history. I saw a community, a culture like I’ve not seen before. I met people in her home with product results and changes in their lives. I saw first hand the beautiful home that they have been afforded because our this very same opportunity. And I heard three pivotal words that have helped shape the last three years for me: "You are worthy." 

I remember every day these words from my father: "Keep on, keeping on." 

I’ve resolved to do just that. I will not give up. Not on my body. Not on my dreams. Not on my family or their dreams. Not on YOU and not on anyone. 

Because dreams take time, investment and commitment, consistency. 

If you CAN do ‘this’ is not the question. 

It’s whether or not you WILL.

When you make that decision, to eat well, exercise more, push harder in the gym, loose or gain some weight, earn a little extra cash to take that vacation or pay your mortgage, maybe it’s to cover a birthday party or just buy the groceries you’d really like to..... I’ll be here. 

Waiting for and committed to YOU. You are worthy and you can do anything you put your mind to. 

The Illusion of Perfection

Can we take a moment to talk about perfection? I know, I know. Does anyone really 'talk' about it. Well, the simple answer is no. Not directly anyway. They wait until they 'think' they've got things figured out and then they spew their gossipy nonsense all over everyone. I truly do my very best to refrain from gossip. 

Anyone who knows me, knows a girl can talk ;) 

(What?? I like people.)

Seriously, though. I enjoy a great conversation. Sometimes that means hearing about your new puppies latest trick, sometimes it means being on the receiving end of a vent from marriage or parenthood, and sometimes in means long deep conversations about the moon and the stars and birth order :) I love it all and I love when people feel like they can share with me. Trust in this day seems to be an unfortunately dwindling characteristic. It makes me sad. If I can be that, for even a few, I'm thankful that I have been used.

I digress. Perfection is an illusion and we live in a world of increasingly spectacular 'perfectionists'. The IG feed may be beautiful and the gym shots may look rippling and the home may be absolutely gorgeous. The kids hair is always nicely trimmed and the girls have adorable dresses and matching bows.

But inside those walls, man. The checkbook is a mess, the mom is struggling with depression or some form of anxiety or eating disorder, the kids are monsters and dad, he's stressed and overworked and suppressing it all because he never learned to express his emotions, and everyone is emotionally and physically exhausted with no time, energy or desire to deal with life. Maybe that's a huge over exaggeration but guys, many families who look so pretty on the outside are falling apart inside. Metaphorically and literally. 

The great news is that there are options to the 'norm'. 

First stop, Jesus Christ, arms wide and ready to offer you redemption. All you need to do is ask. I realize that often that faith, the belief it takes to trust that there is a plan, a better way, seems so out of reach. I promise it is there. I have seen it and lived it. If there is ANY way that I can ever encourage any of you in your walk with the Lord, I would be honored to do so. 

I am not, by any means, any part of perfection. I have screwed up. A lot. I've made a lot of bad choices, I said things I shouldn't have, I've done things I shouldn't have. I've mothered out of wedlock and I haven't been the best wife or mother. 

I DO, however, strive every day to be better. More intentional in my walk and relationship with my Lord, gentler with myself, more understanding and helpful as a wife, more patient as a mother, a better listener as a friend. I still often fail miserably but I've learned that's ok, as long as I never quit trying and making a true consistent effort. It's taught me so much humility and allowed me to be less judgemental and love those who need my love in order to see Him shine. I pray that He shines through me more days than I in any way dim His glory and honor.

♥

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I'd like you to meet the inspiration behind this post.... the avocado has that illusion pretty mastered.

Anyone love avocados like me?? Then you know what I'm talking about. Wait, wait, wait, RIPE, dead. I usually end up picking out some bit of funky bits because I WILL NOT waste an avocado. It would seriously have to be completely inedible. You know, like the bananas and the brown spots. There's so much you can do with an overripe avocado or banana. Am I right or am I right? ;)

 

This morning I did a little avocado toast and per usual, it was awesome :)

I like to keep things as simple as possible around here most days. What could be more simple than avocado smash on toast with a little s/p and a shot of lime juice? Not much, I'll tell ya. And would ya' just take note of the beauty of my little avocado I picked up at ALDI?! My very first of many adventures to ALDI and just LOOK! Now to put the rest to good use before they die! AHH!

Have a happy hump day, guys! Go get yourself some good fat ;)

New Year, New Opportunities

Well, here we are. In 2019. Can you believe it?? Me neither.

I've been thinking for months about the end of the year. It's always bitter sweet for me. I absolutely LOVE the fall and everything that comes with it, all the way into and through the holiday season. The colors, the scents, the decor, the weather, the fashion..... Gosh, never thought I'd hear myself saying that, rather typing*. I love the change of the seasons, the joy, gratitude and giving that come with the holidays and the clean slate that seems to come with the turning of the year.

On the opposite end of that is the "goodbye". I know it's not really gone, it lives on in our memories. It is, however, spent. Invested if you were wise, gambled for many, frivolously spent for even more. I try my best to be wise about how we spend our time as a family, intentional in coordination of events and obligations, even down to our typical day. Yet, still there doesn't seem to be quite enough time. As our family has grown and the kids continue to grow, it seems our family dynamic is in constant movement, ever changing as everyone finds their way through this journey of life, together, yet in their own timing, on their own pace. Which leaves me as momma, in a season of continuous and rapid growth and change. And it's terrifying to think of how much I'm truly missing, how much I will or won't remember 10 years from now, or even 5. Some days, I have a few extra moments, when I spiral into questioning whether or not I'm doing it all "right", whether we're setting the best examples in our marriage, whether we're teaching them all of the right things, whether I'm getting even the pickiest of eaters the proper nutrition, etc, etc, etc..... and some days, it's pure survival. Ha! Let's just be honest here. But most days, are mostly juggling all the in-betweens of the aforementioned days and doing the best we can to answer all of those questions to everyone's satisfaction, hence the juggling, and making self care a priority. That looks a little different for me on many a day.

2018 brought us so many things.

Celebrations. Losses. Disappointments. Unexpected blessings. Oh so many blessings.

I am growing ever closer in my walk with God. The hubs and I are in a better place than we have been in so so long. I am forever thankful for his love, support, encouragement and commitment to me and to our family. Our children are healthy and thriving, learning and growing more each day. They are each a complete joy and I am blessed beyond measure to have these extra moments with them all. Each of our businesses have brought frustrations and disappointments, along with many learning lessons. Nonetheless, our heads are down and we continue to work hard to fulfill our dreams for each other and our family. There is only room for improvement and growth, helping others envision their goals and dreams and helping in whatever capacity is needed to help them meet those goals. It is a reward in itself. We are both so grateful for friends, family and clients who have trusted us to come into their homes and help create beautiful spaces for them to enjoy with family and friends, while others have trusted me with their bodies, their health, literally their lives. I am honored to help each and every one of you reach your goals and look forward to meeting so many new friends in the coming weeks and months.

We celebrated birthdays, so many birthdays, and our first high school graduate. We celebrated time with family with two trips to the beach this year. We've celebrated first jobs and new business adventures. We've celebrated new friendships and wins all around. We've celebrated the rekindling of old friendships and the foundation of so many existing.

We've mourned losses, too many losses. Children and brothers, mothers and fathers. We've mourned for ourselves, for friends, new and old.

We've missed the mark, more than once. But we've gotten back up every time and you can count on the fact that we will every time. My dad always said "Try, Try again." It's ingrained in my being.

We welcomed our first great niece to our clan. She was surely unexpected but has brought so much joy to our family in just the short amount of time she's been here. Andy sure loves her something fierce.

I've been blessed with some pretty amazing women throughout this last year. Some were here long before 2018, some have drifted into my life even in the last few months and I am so thankful for each of them and the rolls they play in my life. My mother, first and foremost. There simply are not enough words to convey to one how important and vital her roll in my life is. If you know her, you probably have a fairly good idea. If you haven't, we should arrange to make that happen. There's not a soul I've met who hasn't enjoyed her company. My mother-in-law, Pat. She is a magic maker. She jumps to the rescue most always and between the two of them, I'm just not sure just how we'd manage. We've sure hit the jackpot in that department and I do not take that for granted. I know what a blessing that is. Diana, oh, Diana. She has become one of my dearest friends and a valued mentor in so many areas of my life. I can call on her always, unless it's before 10am ;) and she always has a prayer waiting just for me. Robyn- what began as a professional relationship, quickly transformed into a beautiful friendship, one that I never imagined and yet, am so thankful for. Kelsey - this woman is a rock. She is amazing, an example to me daily, as a mother, a teacher, a wife, a friend. She has literally changed my life and I will strive until the end of my days to repay her.

There are a whole crew of other women who have completely inspired me and touched my soul throughout the year - through the loss of children, loss of significant others, major accidents, divorce, major medical events, loss of homes and jobs, family turmoil, the list goes on. These women are rock stars, each one of them shining through on the other side, even when they've felt they're falling apart, their life is in shambles and everything is a mess, they have inspired me and reminded me, yet again, of how important perspective is. It's everything.

So that's what I'm walking into 2019 with: Perspective.

I'd said that my word for 2019 was Focus, but maybe it's actually Perspective.

I have a purpose and mission as I walk into this year, hand in hand with my husband and beautiful babes, but THAT is exactly what matters most, and so long as we're hand in hand, this year will be amazin'. ;)

Happy 2019, ya'll. Let's go do this thing.

DIY Mini Christmas Wreaths

Last year, early in the holiday season, I saw the MOST adorable mini Christmas wreaths you've ever seen. At the Target Dollar Spot, no less. WIN-WIN, right? No. Not the case. There were only 3. THREE. I wasn't sure how many, exactly, that I would want so I decided against the purchase. (I was in the still VERY early stages of purging non-essentials from our home.... another story, for another day).

Anyone of you who loves this spot as much as we do, which I'm guessing is a large majority ;), knows that it's as good as shopping discount stores or Goodwill. If you want it, you'd better grab it, or IT. WILL. BE. GONE. Two days later, they'd vanished and I have yet to see them return.

Weeks later, I noticed what I THOUGHT were my wreaths. NOW is my chance, I thought.... Only to discover that it was not my beloved wreaths but "greenery garland".

I'd be lying if I said I didn't stand in a brief moment of disappointment, but hey, it's life. I quickly drove past that and resolved to make my own.... sometime. I purchased three rolls and brought them home with intent to craft up my own lovely Christmas wreaths..... Well, ya'll know how that went. With a teenager, an active growing boy, two toddlers and a baby who was now on the move, not to mention spousal and household duties, assisting with one business and running another, my crafting fell quickly on the priority list.

So at the end of the season, I packed up all of our Christmas crafts and activities in their own box and resolved to make it happen this year. I'm quite pleased with the end result and think you'll all be as thrilled with how easy they were to create.

I gathered my supplies: greenery garland, ribbon, hot glue and tape

Note: the most adorable golden dachshund tape dispenser, gifted to me by none other than my friend and avid Disney and Rae Dunn collector, Rebecca :) You can visit her on IG @beccajwayne to see all of her adventures in collecting :)

I divided the length of two rolls of the garland by the number of wreaths I wanted to make, resulting in approximately 36" pieces. (I made 13 wreaths)

I rolled each 36" piece into wreaths similar in size to my original roll, then twisted the garland around itself in order to secure the shape and size. This worked well for this particular garland, as it has some type of wire inside, however, if you needed extra security, I believe a dot or two of hot glue would do the trick. That was my original plan ;)

After doing this, I took my ribbon to the kitchen to approximate the length of ribbon I would need. An extra set of eyes helped in this step by standing back from the cabinet to gauge the length. Think: KIDS.

I then cut and recut 13 lengths of ribbon and hot glued them one by one, with a small loop, around the mini wreaths :)

I proceeded to hang them from each cabinet (with tape), again utilizing a second pair of almost-willing eyes to assist. I am pleased with the end result and while part of me wishes there was a glimmer of gold or pop of red, I kind of love the simplicity and that I could use these for so many festive occasions!

If you decide to take a go at these or are inspired to create some other craft, Christmas or otherwise, I'd love to see the results! Sharing is caring! LOVE to you all!

OH and can you believe there are only SEVEN days until Christmas?! SEVEN, ya'll!! Buckle your seat belts. Santa Clause is coming to town ;)

Ain't it funny how...

Have you ever had one of those days that made you just want to lick the bottom of the cork from the wine bottle? NO? Yeah, me neither ;)

Seriously, though. This season. It has been HARD. Messy and LOUD, repetitive and exhausting.

At the very same time, it is EVERY.SINGLE. THING. I could ever have dreamed it to be. It's slow mornings and breakfast together. It's crafts and questions, reading and dreaming. It's learning and growing together. Ohhhh the growing.... It's breaking me a little inside. It goes too fast. So fast. I don't know about you other mommas out there. I know there are a few of you who have gone through similar transitions. I've been a working mom for 18 years, dreaming of being a SAHM, yearning for the days where I would wake up and breathe in, slowly, the sweet smell of babies from our bed and not be in a hurry to rush everyone off to spend their days away from one another. And man, THAT. That is where it is. If you could bottle that up and share it with the world, wow. What a world it would be.

These days have been so full of love and yet, still this hole exists.... I've been missing my dad something fierce in these recent months. Maybe the fact that it has been so full of love and excitement and adventure in life has left a part of me yearning for him, missing the opportunity to share it all with him.

Time is such a funny, interesting and mysterious thing. It goes so fast and sometimes it seems that there's no possible way that he's been gone for 15 years. Other times, it feels like it was just yesterday. Like I can breathe in and for a moment, replay each of the moments that seemed to have come, and now gone, so quickly.

Sometimes when I remember him, all I can do is smile, knowing that he is right here by my side. Knowing that he is no longer in physical pain, knowing that he is safe and knowing that he's not really missing ANY of this. And other times, these memories, they sneak out of my eyes and my chest is heavy, in selfish sorrow, wishing he were still here.

Hurt is inevitable when you loose someone so dear and we feel entitled to understanding all of the whys. But we're not. If there is one thing that God has made so evidently clear to me, especially in more recent years, it is that His plan is oh-so-much-better than ANY plan that I could work up. He doesn't ask that we not feel the emotions that are so bound to be worked up in this life, quite the contrary, actually. He asks that we FEEL every emotion and bring them to Him, in trust, that He will work things out, all to His glory and for the greater good.

And so I trust. Trust that He will indeed guide me to the path that has been laid for me, allow me to share His story and hope with others, to touch them and help guide them to Him, and to work out all the fine details for the Good. 

*I'm no spiritual or religious expert, by any means. I simply share how He has revealed Himself to me over the years in hopes that it will bring someone else closer to Him.*

Mastering the ART of "Thank you"

Recently, I read an article or fellow blog post that spoke of the importance of just embracing the art of saying "Thank you." It seems so simple to say. Such a simple statement. And LORD, WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS? And in the south?!

But truly, how many of us are good at just simply saying those two little words? It really is an art, a skill, a mastery. I have spent so many years being beyond horrible and making things incredibly awkward by not responding appropriately : / Not because I don't appreciate a compliment as much as the next but because I never felt that I carried the VALUE of that compliment. With me?

"I love your shirt!" turns into "Oh, this old thing?" or "It doesn't fit right".

"I love that nail color!" turns into "You know, I thought I'd try something new for fall" or "I let me daughter pick it out".

"I love your hair!" turns into "I'm not good at hair" or "I hate my hair"....

Yep. That last one. ALL. ME.

I have gotten compliments on my hair from so many people for so many years. The truth is, I'm NOT "good" at hair and I don't particularly LIKE my hair. It's gotten thinner as I've gotten older, especially after I had baby #2. I spent years with my hair up, training in ballet, that even now, it's almost strange to have my hair down, though, I haven't trained in nearly 2 decades. (My dear friend, Tonja, says "once an athlete, always as athlete". You may not consider ballet very athletic. Take a class, two if you dare, and come back and talk to me.)

I'm working on loving my hair, embracing my insecurities, learning some new tricks and hair styles and when my hair stylist, Katie, says "Have I told you how much I love your hair?", I simply say "Thank you."

Also, have you ever noticed that sometimes your biggest insecurities are something that someone else admires most about you? Maybe it's something physical but maybe it's a skill, an area where you feel like you lack or need improvement, but to someone else, it's an area that you are better than they are. Maybe the very opportunity you have, that sometimes is the cause of your stress or frustration, is something another so desires to have? Next time that you're critical of yourself or feeling increased stress, think about that. Count your blessings and remember to take control of the things that can be, let go of the things that cannot.

Give a compliment and receive them gracefully.

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Weekly update:

THE WONKY DONKEY arrived! We've been waiting for WEEKS for this to come in the mail as we work on rhyming... OKAY. It might have been more because this grandma made this book look irresistible. But we ARE working on rhyming! LOL If you haven't seen the adorable video of the grandma reading this book to her grandson, you should look it up on YouTube HERE. Then purchase the book. Best $7.99 ever!

Andyman got his first hair cut and had some great fun cheering on the boys at practice and making some discoveries :) What is it about those first hair cuts that spur your baby into full on toddler mode?! It's like cutting off time instead of hair! How does it happen? (More on that, later) He was also sure to rep his winning team ;)

Yesterday we made a trip into downtown Jonesboro for a look at the scarecrows and some pumpkin pickin' (with several failed attempts at a successful group picture)... But we all had fun and stopped by to visit The Fig Tree for a treat. 

Today we began to bake off and decorate sugar cookies we planned to bring to a friends this weekend for a fall festivity... The baking went fine, the decorating, not so much HAHA Turns out that my fantastic flamingos last year, may have driven some overachiever in me ;) I'll continue the trial tomorrow and keep you all updated on the final outcome of our cookies and royal icing adventures. At least the cookie cutters are pretty. Thank you, Target Dollar Spot!

Lastly, tonight, this guy took his football pads (that we scored at GW!!) to practice and joined the bigger guys for running and drills and was SO STOKED!! He was so proud to be a part of the team and TJ was glowing, to have his baby brother on that field, looking up to him and his team mates. It was a good night :)

I spy, with my little eye, a kind-hearted, rough housing, nature loving boy :)

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